Self-Talk: Creating an Inner Supporter
Sukjae Lee Ph.D.
Creator of Effectiveness Coaching Methodology
2025. 11. 18
🗣️ Self-Talk: Creating an Inner Supporter
Self-talk is the internal dialogue people have with their inner self about how they will feel, think, and act to achieve their desired results(S. Lee, 2014; 2020; 2023; 2024). Once the direction for change and practical actions are established through Self-Awareness, the inner dialogue provides guidance and suggestion for behavioral change, sometimes even giving commands. It also monitors whether the commitment to change and the promise of action are kept.
The process involves repeatedly injecting specific feelings and thoughts into the brain—through dialogue with the inner self—to shift perception and action toward the desired behavioral change. This ensures focus on the feelings, thoughts, and actions required for the change.
For example, a leader who easily gets angry when a conversation with others doesn't unfold as expected repeatedly asks themselves:
"What is it that I truly desire through this conversation?"
And to become more generous towards others and themselves, they say to their inner self, "It could happen." By making this kind of self-talk a daily habit, the leader can manage their anger. Athletes sometimes whisper to themselves like reciting a mantra, such as, "I'm rushing too much right now. Slow down, stay calm." Unlike this soft whispering, some engage in ritualistic vocalizations, shouting "Let's go, let's go!" or "Fighting!" while raising both hands. This is not for others to hear, but to encourage themselves and induce self-hypnosis. Research by sports psychologists indicates that both types of dialogue help improve athletic performance (Hatzigeorgiadis et al., 2011).
Self-talk is most effective when its content helps to cast off fear and boost self-assurance. In this way, positive self-talk can facilitate changes in thought and behavior. Conversely, negative self-talk, like grumbling, can temporarily cause tension or anxiety in others, and in the long term, damage one's own self-esteem.
When negative thoughts automatically arise during self-talk, they immediately induce tension and stress, rendering the person powerless. Even if a strong will was present at the start, if just one negative thought emerges, it quickly amplifies and spreads, leading to a state of discouragement. For instance, when trying to initiate a new change, an internal thought might surface: "Can I really do this? I don't think now is the right time, just quit before you get worked up for nothing." The harder one tries to move forward, the more intense these thoughts become, shackling the attempt at change.
🛡️ Managing Negative Thoughts
The powerful capability of these negative thoughts is logical self-justification. The voice of self-justification can sometimes be so loud that it creates the illusion of an actual voice being heard. Negative thoughts are active whenever behavioral change is attempted. For the coachee (coaching client) to lead their own change, they must be able to effectively manage the negative thoughts operating within their inner self.
Negative thoughts can be managed using the following steps:
Step 1: Record What Negative Thoughts Say
Record the messages from negative thoughts. If necessary, keep a regular journal for a certain period.
Step 2: Objectify the Negative Thoughts
Objectify the negative thoughts. The method to objectify is to read the recorded content and give a name to the negative thought. For example, if you recorded "I can't do it," "I'm not ready yet," or "It's too much for now," you might name it 'The Coward.' Alternatively, you can draw an image of the Coward and express the activity of the negative thought in a sentence. You can record the negative thoughts as audio or select an object to symbolize the negative thought. If you personified the negative thought as 'The Worry Producer,' you could place a doll representing the Worry Producer on your desk and firmly command it, "You take all my worries."
Step 3: Isolate Negative Thoughts During Change Efforts
Isolate negative thoughts while making change efforts. Find the part of the body where the inner voice is felt, and make a gesture of firmly gripping it or confining it to prevent it from coming out. Alternatively, use a metaphor and send it on a world trip for the duration required to complete the change project. Hang the word 'STOP' on the wall and shout 'STOP' whenever a negative thought pops up.
Step 4: Meet the Original Self and Declare Ownership
Meet the original self and declare oneself as the owner. Believe that at this moment, you can choose and decide what thoughts and actions to take. Develop and commit to implementing the actions necessary to achieve the desired results. At this time, the coach supports the coachee, affirming that they have the ability and qualification to achieve what they desire.
References
Hatzigeorgiadis, A., Zourbanos, N., Galanis, E., and Theodorakis, Y. (2011). Self-talk and sports performance, Perspective on Psychological Science, 6(4), 348-356.
Lee, Sukjae (2014). Effectiveness Coaching by a Business Psychologist. Seoul: Kim & Kim Books.
Lee, Sukjae (2020). Coaching Methodology. Seoul: Korea Coaching Supervision.
Lee, Sukjae (2023). Field-Focused Coaching Psychology. Seoul: Hakjisa.
Lee, Sukjae (2024). Coaching Psychology Class for Boosting Execution. Seoul: Hakjisa.
 |
 |
 |